Health library

How to be a better listener

Great listening is a skill, and it's one you can—and should—learn. Becoming a great listener can deepen your relationships, help you avoid misunderstandings and allow you to support people better during difficult times.

Scroll on to learn a few tips that can help you improve your listening skills.

Give your full attention

Avoid checking your phone, looking away or being otherwise distracted. Don't interrupt. Save your thoughts and advice for after you've heard the full story. Remember, truly listening is different from just waiting for your turn to talk.

Show that you're listening

These subtle signals can indicate that you're paying attention:

• Make relaxed eye contact, nod your head and smile.
• Keep your posture open and inviting.
• Use small comments like "yes," "uh-huh" and "right" to show the other person you care about what they're saying and to invite them to keep talking.

Read body language

Pay attention to the person's nonverbal signals. Does their smile, frown or other expression match their words? For instance, someone who says they're OK but looks sad may be telling you otherwise. In that case, you may need to work harder to understand the person's feelings.

Clarify the conversation

Confirm you understand what the person is saying by paraphrasing what they've shared. Try saying something like, "What I think I hear you saying is...." Or ask a clarifying question, such as "What do you mean when you say...?" This shows that you're listening and helps prevent misunderstandings.

Don't rush them

Try to be patient, especially if the person is sharing a trauma. Let their story come out in its own time. If you notice them struggling, try saying something like, "Take as long as you need." Let the person know you're there for them, and thank them for trusting you.

Listen without judgment

You may not always agree with the other person, but try to be open to their point of view. Instead of blaming or criticizing them, focus your attention on fully understanding them.

Offer support

Most people who share a difficult experience aren't looking for you to fix them. They just want to be heard and supported. Using empathetic statements—like, "I'm sorry that happened to you"—is a good way to show that their feelings matter to you.

Widen your social circle

Being a good listener can help you strengthen your relationships—or build new ones. Not sure how to get started? These tips can help.

Find ways to connect